The wonderful Peace of God that passeth all understanding........

"And the peace of God that trancends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7 (NIV) I know I don't post on this blog very much like I should. I know there are so many watching our journey to bring JD home and so many praying. I really felt led to write a little tonight. Tonight I am thankful. I am thankful for God's peace in times of uncertainty and I am thankful for His joy which is my strength. This has been a rough week emotionally for me. Many of you know that we are at the final stage of our adoption and thought JD would be home by now. The US government had seemed to turn my world upside down and at one time we thought they might want us to start over. Through God's favor and the help of our congressman and our orphanage director they decided we would just have to get a couple amendments on a few documents and not have to get totally new ones done. They have been very kind and compassionate and want to work with us any way they can. I was so relieved, then I spoke to my lawyer who had to give us worse case scenerio (which any lawyer would state up front) and stated that if she couldn't get amendments to these documents and would have to get new ones that we are looking at at least another year. My heart sank, my world felt like it was spinning again and I was hit with deep despair. (NOTE: that is only the worst case scenerio and I rebuke that in the name of Jesus, we will have FAVOR in the name of Jesus and get these amendments quickly) Still the thought of those words sickened me. I hit a low. Then the news came that many families were getting visa appointments and their kids were coming home in the next couple weeks.Most started several months after we did. I love these families, I love these children and I am so ecstatic for all of them, but at the same time my arms physically ache for JD to be home now. It was so bittersweet and I kept asking "Why not JD, God....why????" Friday night I had the house to myself. I honestly wanted to take Tylenol pm and cry myself to sleep if I am being honest, but God had other plans. I cried ALOT, I prayed ALOT and I read ALOT. I have tried to be the picture of faith for 3 years. I have tried to be so strong but I am human and I have had some melt down moments. Some have understood the down times but when I am weak I have felt a lot of condemnation and failure that I haven't been strong enough. The thoughts poured in that Maybe it's something I am not doing or I haven't had enough faith, what lesson am I not getting that is keeping my son home? I have prayed, I have fasted, I have cried out to God. What is it????? God led me to Psalms and I read Psalm after Psalm of cries out to God in desperation, cries out to God from pits of despair from David the man after God's own heart. God showed me it's ok to love my son so much it hurts, to cry sometimes, to be weary and desperate sometimes as long as I don't live in that place. I am human, I am a momma and it doesn't seem fair, it hurts to miss out on my son's life. If I didn't hurt this bad for him then what kind of mommy am I? I love him, he is mine. God called me to be his momma, He called me to love him this much. God understand my cries, He understands my hurt and I am not a failure. The Bible even says there is a time to weep, I just can't stay in that place of despair but make sure to turn those cries into praise and trust and hope in a Savior that has me and my WHOLE family in the palms of His hands! I may never understand His plan but I know His ways are perfect and His will will prevail! I know He is perfecting everything that concerns me, my husband and ALL four of my children! He is working where I don't see, on me and on this adoption. What a breakthrough spiritually this has been. Today I have peace, today I have joy. We had a wonderful church service, the weather was beautiful, I got to see and talk to my beautiful son on skype, spend time at my momma's with my amazing family and then tonight went on a "date" with my mommy and brother and soon to be new sister. I had an amazing day, I was not sad, I have peace, I have hope and I have joy! For this I am so thankful......... Please keep on praying all of you prayer warriors! Pray for me and my mommy heart, pray for JD, pray for our family. Please pray for favor in EVERY office and court system that our lawyer has to talk to, that they will have compassion, understanding and will issue these amendments quickly with no hesitation. Pray for any stronghold that would try to hold my son back and keep him from coming home to be broken in the name of Jesus! Pray that this week will bring wonderful news!!! Feel free to share this blog with all of your friend, put us on your prayer chains at church, spread the word, we want to have many prayer warriors standing in the gap and interceding for our son to come home! Thank you all for loving my son already and for praying him home! I will forever be thankful for each and everyone of you!