..and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3
I have wanted to start a blog about our journey to adopt our beautiful little boy Jean Daniel for a while but I really feel strongly that I need to start from the beginning and let you know how we got on this journey. You see this is the beginning of the beauty that has come from the ashes of my life. The year 2009 was the most difficult and most heartbreaking year of my life. It didn't start that way though. In fact it started as one of the best years.Eric and I have always talked about adoption and we both knew that we would adopt some day. For years after we had Jennessa I wanted to have another child. We talked about adoption again but I thought it would be way beyond our means to be able to afford it. I saw adoption agencies and their prices. So,we agreed to start trying and the first month boom I was pregnant. I found out on Feb.10, 2009 which happened to be my birthday. I told my parents right away.I grew up as a PK (Pastor's kid) the oldest of nine in a very close family. I was blessed to have wonderful Godly parents. I could not have asked for better parents. So, they were the first to know. My dad was absolutely thrilled. That day he would not hear of us waiting to tell anyone, in fact he got on the phone and called everyone he could think of. I can't explain the joy he had when he talked about his new grandbaby to be. He had been sick with liver problems and had a rough year. He had just been placed on the liver transplant list and was waiting for the transplant. This day he felt pretty good and got to go out to eat with us and celebrate my birthday and my news. My mom gave me a rose at lunch and when we left Olive Garden a kind elderly man stopped me and said "Honey that rose is beautiful but it doesn't compare to the beauty in you" It was a beautiful day. The kind of day that you feel like God is confirming how much he loves you everywhere you go. One week later, it all came crashing down. On the evening of Feb.16 I started spotting. I panicked and picked up the phone to call my parents...my pastors. That night my mom had called and said dad wasn't feeling the greatest so when I called she answered. My dad asked her what was going on and asked to talk to me. He prayed with me and said "Nicki, the same God you pray to all the time for me and trust to heal me is the same God that is touching your baby" That was the last time I talked to my precious daddy. Around 1 am my mom called from the squad on her way to the hospital with my dad. He coded that night but after much prayer his heart started beating again. He was on the vent and moved to CCU. I continued spotting. The next afternoon I found out my baby had went to heaven. We spent that day praying over my dad and singing praise music in my daddy's room. We held his hand and cried and told him how much we loved him. A little after 1 am my precious daddy who was my rock and my pastor went to heaven too. The same God that I prayed to took both of them to be with him. My baby whom my daddy was so thrilled about and my daddy went home together. I struggled for so long, how could I go from this perfect day where I thought that God was showering me with his love to nothing....I felt like it was a slap in the face. I was heartbroken and angry and so confused. Everything I was and knew felt like ashes. But God with his loving tender arms picked up the shattered pieces of my heart and shattered dreams and started putting them back together piece by piece. I see my beautiful mother walk into her calling and step up as pastor. I see her strength and beauty rise up when all her world was crumbled. I see my family drawing together like never before. We are loving each other through. My family and my aunts and uncles and my cousins all drew together and are now closer than ever before. I see God providing for all my mom's needs and is starting to heal her heart. I see our church body drawing together and growing stronger. I see beauty starting to form where ashes had been all around. Eric and I started to try to have a baby again. Month by month passed and nothing. I started to get discouraged and didn't understand. Then this past January the earthquake in Haiti hit. I felt such a stirring deep inside. I prayed and prayed and God spoke to my heart that we were to adopt. The day I knew that I knew it was God's will I started to talk to Eric about it but he stopped me before I started and said that He already knew. "Already knew what" I asked ....he said he knew we were to adopt a little boy from Haiti. God was speaking to both of our hearts at the same time. Every where we looked we had confirmation. Even the costs were different than I had thought. It was feasible for us. Then he led us to our precious little boy Jean Daniel. He is two years old and has captured our hearts. We cannot wait until he can come home to be with us. I am telling you all of this to let you know that sometimes life is not fair, even heartbreaking. It may seem like the rug is pulled from out of your feet and you don't understand. BUT God is faithful and he promised to perfect everything that concerns you. Even when we don't understand God is working. I still don't understand why my daddy had to go to Heaven at 57 years old but God does and he is doing such amazing things in our family and in our church. The personal and spiritual growth is amazing. My dad left an amazing legacy and it lives on.We didn't understand why we had the miscarriage, didn't understand why we couldn't get pregnant again, but God did. He had a beautiful baby boy already here and waiting for his daddy and mommy and his name is Jean Daniel. In our darkest hours He lifted us up, he held us in His hands and loved us and now He has made beauty from our ashes. I am excited for this journey, I am excited for what God has in store and I am excited to bring our beautiful little boy home someday soon.
